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Afterimage

by Heartlapse

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1.
Bite all your wounds reopen all the scars that've been stitched so far, “dehiscences of tears”. This thing is gonna hurt you, scratching your throat at every single breath... (So) open your mouth and let the sorrow fow deep inside you, spreading down to your chest. This thing is gonna fucking hurt you, and right now ask yourself: Is in (the) tragedy that you are looking for your consciousness? you've tried many times to mask your pain keeping it on a leash like a dog but every night it whispers in your ears: Here is a nail, pierce your heart; the few drops that'll come out shouldn't scare you. Here is a knife, its blade is sharp; in a second you can triumph over misery and shame. The window opens up by itself throw yourself out - it says I witnessed all your anger and I've seen your love turning into ash... let it drag you down, or this pain will last forever. The traces on your body are indelible they become parts of you, if you try to let them fade, they only circle back and return to you. Remember that your pain will always be by your side Ready for your last dance remember that remember that remember that this thing is gonna hurt you
2.
Kokoschka 02:28
I thought I recognized myself in you and that I owned your image dysmorphic beauty of a life too far from me. I've built a worthless memorial to your brightness that now appears to me as a distant land from which I've been exiled From the trenches, in the mud with death reeling inside me I've looked at this blurry picture At least a million times It reminds me that Your lack is in the weakness of all my actions... And In my blind devotion (but that keeps me alive) I keep on sacrifcing the best of me on the altar that I've created venerating an unreal past So I'm gonna give you a brand new life I remember every skin mole and i will trace all the routes connecting them to each other Following cartographic maps on your skin And from my memories You will become more real than you've ever been before Simulacrum of fesh, Tongue, teeth and mouth I keep on sacrifcing the best of me On the altar that I've created between your breastbone and your throat where thousands of times I felt like I was suffocating
3.
Dark Circles 04:11
For every second I've spent nestled against your chest I'll pay with countless sleepwalking miles hundred feet deep in the night. Since you left I'm keeping the door unlocked and the lights switched on letting my bedroom flled with tiny moths. I wish I could live every night like them swinging around the light, refusing to close the eyes even when it burns So that i might not miss a single moment analyse all the fragments of a consciousness without any meaning. My face stuck on your rib cage I hear your bones creaking and breaking under the pressure of my breath. Keep safe all the regrets of a life made by eyes which'll never meet again fngers which never touched for few inches or light years. and we should know that there will be always a fall which outdistances you and me inventing a different god every day trying new ways to reach the point where it's painless to lose every memory It's killing me, knowing that you could leave Yeah, I'm still looking for you in the marks left on the sand after the last tide inside this hidden cleft... In every hand I shake in the braided hair which tie my wrist to yours... my face stuck on your rib cage... I've counted all the cracks in the shiny path on the way back to your house feeling the void at each step of mine.
4.
I wouldn't fear the dark on the way back to your door, if only you were with me... but I'm alone and I'm afraid to discover how much am i changed... how much am I changed? and that the frefies in the swamp, they never existed but only in your gentle hands. What keeps us awake at night in the darkest hours? I swear sometimes it feels like something is hiding in the black corners. What keeps us awake at night? I've been sleepless so many times... So I've sewed a dress for you, I can picture you wearing it with grace... it's made by spider webs. How many shadows do you remember cutting the ceiling of your mind? With the shape of your nightmares could you ever carve something bright? I wish something of us 'll remain forever between those walls lasting traces in that house which appears on a well deep like the wood, where a wolf is still waiting waiting in vain. Darkness found me when I was young pulling its arms closer to my heart clutching every pulse of glowing lights... That's why I feel at ease aside' in the dust of a forgotten attic in the crackles of its foor where the day turns into night in the smell of the rain. what keeps us awake? I know you can feel it there are hundreds snakes under my bed, please give me your hands. And now I would keep tight all the fears of my childhood and if i could i would change them straight away with the sharp and concrete ones of today.
5.
From the eyes to the brain Through the nerves and the heart A fash, the tide And within few seconds It will be dark forever I wanted to believe in something that could last More than the time of every wait More than a memory which disappears at the rhythm of the seasons... But what does it matter now, if through the touch of my hands every quiver spreads until my bones if I wish the senses of the night animals (the smell of a fox and the sight of an owl?) We were dreaming about tiny shadows dancing on colored disks of paper Which in the dim light spin all around (around around) In the illusion to be motion and life We were breaking in a half Like the mast of a ship Torn apart after an endless storm But now i need you to be stronger than me Perfect geometric shape Acrobat and snake handler But Now I need you to be my sight my guide my mirror Because this love made me blind and unable to recognize myself Now I need you to be more real than any each breath of mine, Depiction of an ancient beauty Carved on the walls of the caves Now I need you to be the recurrence that I was waiting for Now I need you to be my optical deception I just wanted to tell you again, Look at me When you wake up And I’ll bring you the sun from my eyes And we won’t have any fear of the dark anymore Of these rooms with no walls Which we built to hide ourselves because compared to you everything turns to dust. I’ll still be waiting Despite everything...
6.
We are seasons of ashes and rains, regulated by cycles of dust made by hundreds forgotten stabs which never healed, bleeding we are closing the circles. The time defeated everything: my friends are strangers, my beloved ghosts in the photographs I'm surrounded by shadows. I've been caught in a mesh of despair since I've lost your face too even tho I can remember the scar above your eye all the moles around your chest the imperfections of your skin as if these marks can portray you better rather than the overall view. We are seasons of ashes and rains. Our body slighty changes every day how can we defne something elusive that slips away? From the details, I often try to restore the past looking for the point where we got lost... where we got lost? I can't stick the shreds back togheter cause in you, I've left so many parts of me I replaced my body piece by piece do I truly remain the same I used to be? I'm so blind, so blind, so fucking blind Among the faces which I don't recognize anymore there's mine too there's mine too. How can my image coincide with myself? How can I fx something that goes out from the frame?
7.
Seaweed 04:16
I still follow with my eyes the lines of your body converge on this half bed that seems to be like an ocean in which I hope to drown before the end of the night. Under these dark shades not so far from the shore long seaweed hide and they rise and fall like a big quiet forest in a timeless dance they perpetuate the voice of the depth. Slowly they brush against my feet while I seek the edge of this maze where the bright light seep through the water and something lost lies still... precious it shines far away. it’s like the memory of a dream impossible to grab I feel seaweed pressing on my lungs and I know I don’t have enough breath to reach it even if i swore i would have never made coincidences my faith again, while the light undressed you I clearly felt in your embrace a different shade of warmth now only regrets remains but I want you to know, that grip'll always be a lasting sign I use to measure the purity of all my passions even if you are like seaweed in my lungs seaweed in my lungs

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released September 29, 2018

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Heartlapse Budapest, Hungary

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